Bittersweet Confessions
by inspiredinfj
Summary: When Raven comes home heartbroken yet again, it's hardly the first time Apple has had to play the part of the comforting friend. It is, however, the first time she learns the real reason Raven can't hold a relationship with her Prince Charming of a boyfriend. (Inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen's "Boy Problems")
1. Chapter 1

Apple was at her desk, admiring the flush of new spring growth from her window while she worked, when the storm clouds rolled in. She heard the dorm door swing open with a clap like thunder, followed by the loud groan of her roommate.

Apple turned to find Raven face-first in a wad of black and frilled bedding, her knees bent and high heels in the air above her. The disgruntled Queen flicked her wrist without so much as lifting her head when all of the skull candles on her nightstand ignited, filling the now-darkened room with a somber air to match the clouds.

Apple sighed.

She daintily placed herself on the edge of Raven's bed, mindful of the space between them. Asking what was wrong seemed like the natural first question, but Apple didn't have to ask. She knew the cause of the magical storm outside her window. She knew it was all Dexter Charming's fault.

Raven and Dexter had only been dating for six months, but it seemed there had been enough heartbreak in the brief relationship to last Raven a lifetime by now. And, of course, Apple was always the first to hear about it, to lend a shoulder for Raven to cry mascara-stained tears on until she went running back to him, like always. It was a game, Apple found, that tore more than just Raven's heart in two.

She was Raven's friend, Apple reminded herself. It was all but her job to comfort her in times of need. Only it wasn't that simple when desire for Raven beat at her chest every time she so much as looked at her. Despite their friendship, she would be lying if she said she never thought about it, what it would feel like to indulge in dark eyes and soft curves. She thought about it a lot, actually. More than she should. But still, Apple knew she could never confess her feelings for fear that she'd get between Raven and Dexter. As a princess meant to encourage romances, she couldn't imagine anything worse than tearing one apart. As far as she could tell, the only thing she could do about her feelings was to cram them somewhere deep down and forget. Unfortunately, that was something easier said than done when Raven was mere inches away. Thoughts of touching her were already swimming in Apple's head, guiding her to reach out a hand…

Before Apple could touch Raven's shoulder, the darker princess rolled onto her side and looked up into Apple's dovelike eyes. She wiped at her face, mascara and glitter smearing across her cheeks. Her makeup was an absolute wreck from crying and the tilted crown of spikes had become tangled in her long hair, but the truth was she wore heartache more beautifully than anyone Apple knew.

"We broke up again," she said, staring forward with misted eyes.

Despite everything, Apple wanted to say she was sorry and soothe Raven the way she did so well. She wanted to be both resilient and caring, though it didn't make any sense. So she settled for silence instead.

"I don't understand why things keep going wrong. Sometimes I think I'm the one who has something wrong with them," she whispered. "I'm the one who can't commit to him. I don't feel the same way he does about me. No, that's not true. I do, but only when I'm…" She glanced away, furrowing her brows. The silence between them stretched and the only sound to fill the regal room was Raven's trembling breath. "I care about him. I need it to work between us, no matter what I have to do. It just _has to_."

Raven barely spoke and yet Apple could already feel her heart aching. She turned away, worrying a pink, bottom lip between her teeth. The next thing she knew, Raven's hand was over top of hers on the comforter.

Apple startled at the touch and instantly whipped around in a sweep of blonde curls. She watched as Raven sat up. Her eyes dropped to her plum lips, shimmering with gloss, and just like that the space between them was too small for her to think clearly.

"He's been so good to me. Kind, courteous… Even charming, in his own goofy way. And he's good _for_ me too, you know? People treat me differently when I'm with him. Nicely. Like I'm the girlfriend of a Prince Charming rather than the daughter of an Evil Queen for once." Raven tousled her dark hair, the perfumed scent of warm spices drifting to Apple's nose, as if her hand on Apple's wasn't distracting enough. "And it feels good," she admitted.

"Hm? Feels good?"

"The last thing I wanted was to break up again. Maybe I could try harder next time."

"Break up?" Apple breathed.

Raven caught her eye, tears pooling along the edges of her own, and Apple swore she felt her heart leap. "I wish I could be better. He deserves someone better. Why can't I be that girl?"

Before Apple knew what to say, Raven threw her arms around Apple's waist, weeping into her lap. Apple hesitated a few beats before finally giving in out of sympathy and, if she were honest, her own selfish reasons. She stroked Raven's hair, like black silk between her fingers, and comforted her through her sobs and shudders.

They sat like that for some time, until Raven's breath slowed to quiet gasps and she was finally able to lift herself by fistfuls of Apple's pristine jacket, now crumpled in her hands.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump that all on you," Raven said, and Apple nodded because she understood and because that was one thing that continued to draw her to Raven. She was in some ways kind and considerate, even at her low points. "I mean it. You're always there for me, Apple. You're such a good friend, I don't know what I'd do without you." Raven released one hand from Apple's jacket collar, instead tracing the golden thread that lined its diamond pattern.

Apple looked down to watch Raven's finger sweep across her jacket, then up again at Raven's eyes, fixed on what she was doing. She wondered if Raven had always been so close. She was definitely close enough now for Apple to see individual flecks of silver glitter shimmering on her cheeks.

Raven's eyes lifted, half-lidded beneath a thick layer of lashes. "You really are a good person. Sweet like sugar. I bet… you taste like it too."

Raven smoothed her hand over the jacket, joining her other hand at Apple's collar, where she buried both her knuckles as she grabbed hold and pulled. Apple couldn't think, couldn't breathe. She couldn't even remember to close her eyes as Raven's lips pressed against hers, warm and plush. She realized Raven kissed the same way she looked, soft, wanting, when Apple's eyes slipped closed.

Apple pulled back, the taste of salt on her tongue, and she realized it was the taste of Raven's tears on her lips. Her thoughts clouded over in bliss as she stared, drunk to the way Raven looked leaning back, smoothing her tongue over her bottom lip. Until Raven's eyes fluttered open, a look of horror on her face.

Guilt washed through Apple almost instantly, taking with it all the warmth the kiss had given her. "Oh god," she whispered and Raven regarded her warily. "Oh god," she repeated, moving off the bed. "This was a mistake, clearly. You're hurting and I'm here, I'm… I know it didn't mean anything and I'm not the one who you… really want. _God_!"

"Apple," Raven pleaded.

"I have to go," Apple rushed, scarlet burning behind her cheeks. "I can't, I can't be here right now. I'm sorry."

Without waiting or looking, Apple ran. The last sound she knew was the door slamming closed, and yet there was some small part of her, some really small part, that wished the sound could have been Raven calling after her, just once.


	2. Chapter 2

Apple hesitated outside the door, her hand raised as if to knock. Sounds of easygoing conversation drifted beneath it, flowers and thorns carved into its golden oak, and it tied knots in Apple's stomach to even think of knocking. Regardless, she didn't know where else to go for the evening, having spent the remainder of her day at the gazebo near the Enchanted Forest's edge to think, and so she reluctantly knocked.

"Apple! What are you doing—? Shit, are you okay?"

Briar tugged the cord to her rose earbud, pop music still blaring from its speaker as it swung by her side. Apple watched the sociable energy melt from her expression and a startling heaviness quickly take its place. Briar opened her mouth to speak, or rather drill her with questions of who she needed to confront for hurting her best friend, when Ashlynn appeared over her shoulder.

"Sweetie," Ashlynn crooned sympathetically and took Apple into her arms at once, somehow knowing what she needed. Apple could feel a sudden force as Briar joined them.

"Come on," Ashlynn said, tenderly squeezing Apple's forearms, "let's get you a place to sit and a cup of tea. I'm sure things will look better by then."

One call to room service and several cups of tea later, Apple sat, sunken into Ashlynn's bedding. Admittedly, she did feel better. Something about the tea sat warmly with her, along with Ashlynn's solid energy, prominent, even when all she did was sit beside Apple and sip on her own lemongrass tea.

Ashlynn was the first to break the silence. She set her teacup aside and said Apple's name in the most dulcet of voices, almost as if she were coaxing a startled animal. "Are you ready to talk?"

Apple bit her lip, then opened her mouth to speak. Before she could explain herself, however, shyness rose in her throat, twisting her next words into something new. "Do you think I could stay the night? Actually, a few."

"Of course, sweetie. Stay as long as you'd like."

"Thank you."

The room fell silent, leaving Ashlynn and Briar to exchange concerned glances from either side of Apple. Apple only stared into her teacup, berry-sweet vapors rolling off the pink tea. Eventually, she felt the bed dip close to her and saw her hair shift as Ashlynn took a blonde curl between her fingers, lovingly moving it away from Apple's round face.

"I heard Raven and Dexter broke up today," Ashlynn eased. "Is that what this is about?"

Apple fidgeted in her seat, awkward under the weight of Ashlynn's perceptiveness. Ashlynn always did know how to read her, but it also wasn't like Apple kept her feelings for Raven a secret from her best friends. Besides, she should have known news of Raven and Dexter's break-up would spread fast. The status-divided relationship had always been priority gossip among the school's royal population.

"You know you can tell Briar and me anything, right?"

"Yes," Apple said. Her voice sounded far too small to her own ears.

"Then talk to us, honey. Tell us what's wrong."

Apple turned. Her gaze slowly rolled up from Ashlynn's floral print dress to her eyes, kind and emerald, and she swallowed. "It's… Raven. She came back to the dorm today a-after her break-up and she wanted to talk to me about it. I tried to be a good friend and listen to her, but I fell apart when she touched me." A miserable blush burned its way across her cheeks and she buried it in her hands. "I acted like a child. I should've known better than to let my feelings get in the way. I never should've let her kiss me."

Briar choked. "Let her what?"

"It never should have happened! Raven and Dexter are together. Or they will be again because that's how it always is. I knew that and yet I still let something happen between us."

"The way you two are, it was going to happen sooner or later."

Ashlynn reached behind Apple and shoved Briar, who only feigned hurt. "I think what Briar means is, it's not your fault. It was Raven's decision too."

Apple shook her head. "That doesn't change the fact that it wasn't supposed to happen. Good royals don't ruin other people's relationships."

"Is that what you think?" Ashlynn touched Apple's arm. "Apple, relationships are messy things full of lessons. They're not always as simple as they seem in our stories, and you can't dictate others' feelings. If Raven kissed you, it's because she wanted to, not because you somehow tricked her into doing it. And listen to me, what you did wasn't wrong, especially since they were broken up."

"You still didn't see the way she looked at me after it happened," she muttered, eyes squeezed closed as she relived the memory. "She looked horrified with herself and it felt like… like she regretted it."

Ashlynn and Briar exchanged another, knowing glance.

"Maybe it had nothing to do with you, girl," Briar said.

"What do you mean?"

"Uh, I mean, it's no secret Raven and Dexter are in and out of their relationship every other week." Briar sat up from where she lounged, looking far more serious than she had most of the night. "Something else is happening there that's beyond you and, after this, it kinda seems like… she's not as into him as she pretends to be."

Apple's eyes widened, pale blue glimmering with the realization of what Briar meant.

"Don't get me wrong," she interjected. "As your friend, I don't like the idea that Raven put you in this position. It's not exactly an easy place for you to be with her still figuring herself out." Humor returned to her face, in the subtle quirk of her brows and puce lips. "But it's like Ash said. Relationships are a bitch."

"I didn't say that."

"Look," she continued seamlessly, throwing an arm around Apple's shoulders, "Ash and I can only help so much. We can't tell you what Raven's thinking or what you should do. It's rough, but the one you really need to talk to is Raven."

"T-Talk to her?" Panic lined Apple's soft features. "I don't know. What if you're wrong? What if she's not interested in me? Or… what if she is? What if—?"

"Whoa, hey." Briar pulled Apple into her with a grin, mussing Apple's hair. Meanwhile, Apple fussed over the teetering teacup in her lap. "These are all questions for tomorrow. At least try to live in the moment a little. Humor me."

"Briar's right," Ashlynn added. She neatly tucked a frayed curl behind Apple's ear. "There's no use worrying over these things tonight. You'll know soon enough. Right now, let's get some sleep, okay?"

"Sounds good to me." Briar released Apple in favor of stretching her arms high over her head, faded t-shirt lifting above her pierced navel. She slid from Ashlynn's bed and walked towards her own in long, lazy strides.

Apple offered a wan smile to Ashlynn. "Yeah, okay…"

Later that night, long after her friends' soft breathing settled into a rhythm, Apple lay beside Ashlynn in borrowed clothes. She stared up at the gauze roses sewn into the bed's elegant canopy and sighed, her hands folded on top of the sheets. She started to dwell on the day's events again when the sensation of fingers brushing over her arm startled her and she turned. Tired, emerald eyes peered back at her in the dark.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you awake," Apple apologized.

Ashlynn shook her head gently, then pulled close to Apple, fingers warm against her arm. "Everything will be okay," she whispered before tucking her face into Apple's shoulder and drifting towards sleep once again.

Apple sighed, breathing easy. She pressed her nose to Ashlynn's hair, smelling forest and wildflowers, and gingerly placed a hand over top the one on her arm. "Thanks, Ashlynn."


	3. Chapter 3

Apple once thought she handled most things in life exceptionally well. There was nothing she couldn't solve with a little optimism, some organization, and the foresight to create a plan. But that was before everything happened with Raven. No matter how many times she convinced herself that she could sort out things with Raven or how many times she built up the courage to talk to her, it always ended the same. She felt her resolve fizzle away at the first sight of Raven's dark hair and immediately turned away, heart pounding.

More often than not, she found herself in the library afterwards. It was a nice place to be to clear her head and, more importantly, to focus on her schoolwork. Something about doing her work in the library felt good, and safe, and soon she wasn't even trying to talk to Raven anymore.

Somehow, her life had become a constant alternation between classrooms and library and all she filled her time with anymore was work. She was happy, though, for the most part. At least, she liked the feeling of always being productive because it was only when she slowed long enough to pay any attention to her feelings that she felt the pit in her heart.

Little more than two weeks after that day with Raven, Apple sat at her usual place in the library, a table tucked against a large, diamond-paned window overlooking Ever After's mountains, still capped with winter's snow. Her books were laid out before her in neat stacks, their covers glossy under the sunlight. She opened her planner as she did every day for the past two weeks when she noticed something different.

Apple turned the page of her planner. Then another page. And another page. Until she realized with a sinking feeling that she'd already finished all of her assignments through the end of term.

Apple sat back in her chair with a drawn sigh. Her hands feeling useless at her sides, she folded them in her lap and sat in silence. Nothing but the soft, monotonous ticking of a clock somewhere far off punctuated the quiet, until a sudden tapping brought Apple's gaze up.

There, on the window's ledge, sat a couple of eager doves. Apple smiled at them, knowing she always had an affinity for attracting woodland animals, doves especially, from the Enchanted Forest. With only a quick glance around, she threw open the high window, greeted by a gust of warm, floral-scented air and the soft brushing of wings against her cheek. She giggled at the dove that landed on her shoulder.

"Hello, little one," she whispered, fondly stroking its head. "It's a lovely day today, isn't it?" The dove cooed its reply, dark eyes shining. "Too lovely to be inside. For you and me both, I suppose. Go on. It seems you have someone waiting. Don't want to be rude now, do you?"

Apple held her finger out for the dove and gently moved it back to the window, where its mate waited. The pair roused their wings before taking flight together and Apple watched them go, two streaks of cream against the canopies of green leaves. She sighed against the spring breeze that drifted through the open window, her eyes wandering the campus below, when she noticed the shimmer of the dragon stables' copper roof far off.

It had been awhile since she last visited Braeburn and took her out for a flight. Deciding that a flight sounded like exactly the thing she needed, Apple collected her things into her bag and dropped it off at Ashlynn and Briar's dorm before heading out. She traveled the winding, stone path that started at the school's perimeter and took her through the woods until it dropped her at the stables' proud doors.

Inside, the scent of hay and muck was heavy in the air, but not all that unfamiliar or unpleasant. It reminded Apple a lot of being a girl and the days she spent keeping the White family's servants company while they cleaned the stables back home. Even though she didn't like to admit it because it wasn't all that proper for a princess, she'd always loved dragon riding. Nothing competitive or harsh. Just nice, leisure flights above her kingdom. Sometimes, times a lot like these, the allure of leaving everything behind felt overwhelming.

Apple walked towards the back of the stables, where an engraved and golden nameplate read _Braeburn_. She curled her fingers over the wooden half-door and leaned onto her toes to see inside.

"Braeburn?" she crooned.

There was a low grumble from a mound of hay in the stable's corner before a large, pale head lifted from it. Slowly, the dragon climbed to her clawed feet, straw falling away from gleaming scales, until she towered proudly at her full height. She took only a few strides to the door before she pressed her head into Apple's yielding hands and rattled her scales with a metallic sound not unlike chainmail when struck. Apple could feel the movement beneath her touch.

"I've missed you too," she said, unlocking the stable door and leading her out. "I'm sorry it's been so long."

Braeburn let her eyes drift closed and tilted her head in a regal gesture Apple could only assume was acceptance of her apology. Then she craned her neck forward, giving Apple an eyeful of the golden pattern among the white of her scales on her forehead. Realizing she was offering her head out of habit, Apple removed the crimson bridle from the peg by her stable and fitted it over her head.

"Good girl," she praised, tone tender, and began to lead her to the door by the reins. "I have a long flight planned for us. I think you'll like it. Maybe we could even visit that one pond you like so much. I'm sure the pixies won't mind—"

Apple faltered at the door, having nearly collided with someone coming from the opposite direction. The two of them exchanged hasty apologies when Apple recognized the voice, and her heart nearly stopped.

Raven stared back at her, dark lips open as if to say something, but no sound came out.

Swept with panic, Apple pushed past her and into the yard without a word. Braeburn followed close behind, eyeing Raven's young dragon, Nevermore.

"Wait!" Raven yelled. "Wait, please. I-I wanted to say I'm sorry."

There was something in the urgency of Raven's tone that made Apple stop, despite her now-soaring heart. Still, she didn't turn around. She couldn't.

"I… made a mistake," Raven began, her words drawn before everything came pouring out at once. "I wasn't thinking clearly after breaking up with Dexter. I was in a bad place, and I didn't like myself very much, and you were there, and it was all a mistake, I mean, it never should have happened like that, I never should have kissed you. It was wrong." Then, a pause. "Apple? Apple, please talk to me."

Apple felt a hand at her shoulder. While she could honestly say she had no intention of letting Raven see her face, she also didn't fight it when Raven turned her around. Mostly, she just didn't have the energy to fight, because tears were already pooling in the soft blue of her eyes.

Apple felt the warmth spilling down her cheeks. Embarrassed, she turned away, and was surprised when Raven's deft fingers turned her chin back to wipe away the tears.

"Oh, Apple, don't cry," she pleaded.

Apple wondered how she could possibly say that to her when she felt like her heart was withering in her chest. Everything she'd feared was coming true. It was all a mistake. Raven never wanted her. And now she was rejecting her.

"Please don't cry. Please. I said everything wrong. I…"

Suddenly, a gentle hand was guiding her chin upwards and a pair of dark lips were fervently being pressed into her own. To say that it felt like all the breath had been stolen from her body would have been an understatement.

Raven leaned away, but it was clear by the keenness in her eyes that she didn't want to. "Sorry, I'm not always the best with words," she breathed.

Apple shook her head. "What do you mean?" she finally said, her voice coming out wet and horrible at first. "I thought… you didn't want me. I thought it was a mistake."

"I know. I know, I didn't mean it like that. I knew I said everything wrong." She ran a hand through her raven hair, that familiar, perfumed scent reaching Apple's nose. "What I meant was _I_ did everything wrong. Look, Apple, I've been struggling with a part of myself for a long time. I kept trying to push it down and be someone I wasn't with someone I didn't… _couldn't_ love, even if I wanted to. And I did want to. But the harder I tried to push, the more I resented myself. I felt horrible inside. Like everything was all twisted up. It got bad, when I was with him… but then it got better when I was with you, Apple. It felt good to kiss you. Too good, I guess. I was so confused, trying to fight this part of myself for so long, only to share a moment with you that made me remember how right it felt not to fight it." Raven looked up, amused eyes catching Apple's. "God, listen to me. Does this even make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense to me."

Raven paused to stare at Apple, all the humor suddenly gone from her face. There was something like solemn understanding there instead, and Apple felt a vulnerability she had never shared with anyone before pass between them.

"I was wrong to feel so horrible inside and still kiss you," Raven continued. "It was a mistake. I was selfish to do it when I knew I couldn't let myself be with you, so… I'm sorry."

Apple's hands sought out Raven's, her fingers trailing down smooth wrists and entwining with her fingers. Raven watched her hands as they went, almost as if she couldn't believe Apple was touching her at all.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Apple said firmly. "It's not your fault you felt that way and you still deserve love when you do. Please believe me." She watched Raven's face soften. "And for what it's worth, I'm glad you let yourself stop fighting, even if it was just for that moment with me."

Raven seemed to consider her words. "What if… I said I haven't thought about Dexter in weeks because I've been too busy thinking about you instead? What if I told you I want more than a moment with you? Would that be selfish then?"

Apple's eyes widened. She had never seen timidness on Raven before. Now it was safe to say she thought Raven wore its blush beautifully, much more so than heartbreak.

"No," Apple said, feeling her own face warm with her next words. "I'd very much like to see where those moments lead."

* * *

 **A/N** : So that was my first multi-chapter! It was short and experimental, but it was also a learning experience I'll use for my next multi-chapter. Thanks for sticking with me and an especially big thanks to anyone who supported this story with your comments.


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